The Last Time We Fucked

For my Bunny, 2/28/1960 to 2/27/1995

 

I measure everything by the distance from the last time we fucked until now,

The last time we fucked was after some party,

I was there alone, or at least not with you.

The room was full of feminists listening to Holly Near and talking earnestly about Reagan,

So I got drunk on vodka and missed you.

You would never have been invited,

And if you somehow were at that party,

You would have told them that they were fucking classist bitches,

Just like that.

Then you would have swept me out of there,

Getting us both banned for a while,

Or at least until they wanted to score some ‘ludes or some “strange”,

Which is what the straight boys called it and that is what you were.

 

I drank until I had to beg them to take me to your apartment,

Me all blurred and needy and crying for you,

You were crashing at some vet’s in a cheap duplex in the South end,

You let me in and we stumbled onto the blue polyester sleeping bag.

It was on the living room floor spread out in front of the big television,

Picture on and sound off.

I promised to take you away to New York city,

Where we could be free,

And I left you in the morning.

 

Five years later you overdosed on the bathroom floor of a fast food restaurant,

And I wailed walking in circles, in circles for the loss of you,

You lying on the cool, greasy tile floor dying,

And me sober living in a farmhouse.

Fuck this, fuck it all.

I want to redo our last fuck and make it magic,

Spread out the sleeping bag in the starry night and lay like clouds or colts,

In the moonlight all blue and sweet.

We were magic sometimes, we were.

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About Avery Cassell

Avery Cassell is a genderqueer San Francisco writer, poet, cartoonist, and artist who grew up in Iran. They live with their Maine Coon cat, Lulu, and bake yeasted waffles every Sunday morning. Behrouz Gets Lucky is their first novel. You can find their erotic short stories sprinkled in various anthologies, including Best Lesbian Erotica 2015 and Sex Still Spoken Here. Avery is currently working on a book of more of Behrouz and Lucky's shenanigans, a memoir, and an illustrated early reader children's book about a eight year old transgender boy and his family.
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5 Responses to The Last Time We Fucked

  1. Paul says:

    That is a really extraordinary narrative poem, very powerful and yet with great tenderness and honesty of feeling. Technique and control over tone. Great poetry.

    Like

  2. bentcrude says:

    it’s brilliant, i love it.

    so evocative.

    Like

  3. tipota says:

    raw and real, touching and provoking and it is so open and seeing and yet very delicate and forgiving with an opening at the end for more life to flow through

    Like

  4. artpredator says:

    beautifully difficult, powerful way to tell this story

    Like

  5. birdielou says:

    Thanks to all of you for your thoughtful readings of my poetry and of taking the time to write comments. I had not written much for a couple of decades, so wanted a place to put my new work out there, yet really thought that I could just funnel writing into this blog, then that would be that. I did not think anyone would pay much attention….your wonderful feedback has inspired me.
    And after looking at your blogs I’m also so insanely happy that folks that are moved by the power of passion, beauty and words.

    Like

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