Coming Home

What does it mean?

That each time I write about you,

I write about my mouth on your cunt,

Me sucking all sweet and you all in me,

We’re so tender with one another,

Maybe one shove or one tiny nip,

But nothing more.


Is everything different?

Have my cells realigned themselves to become gentler,

Kinder and yearning for wet,

Opening only for soft.


Sometimes I remember to think about hurting you,

A slap of a ruler across your palm,

Hard enough so you’ll gasp,

But I hardly ever remember to think about you hurting me,

And I like being hurt,

I like it a lot.


Maybe I need to prime myself,

Remind myself,

Poke and prod and slap myself,

Remember that this is what I want.


A crop across my thighs,

My ass bare with a dusting of cool air,

The space between us shimmering with something,

Sometimes love and sometimes fire,

Kneeling and always looking down,

Except when looking up abjectly.


What does it mean?

I want to wrestle with you,

All rough and biting so hard,

That we’ll be covered in bruises the next day,

Our thighs sore with being held open too far, too long.


I want to remember again how much I love being taken,

Taken so that you are in control and I’m there,

Me giving you all my need, and you giving me all your need,

And you slap me hard,

A crack across my face,

Cupping my cunt so that the pulse of your palm and the pulse of my desire match,

And we are breathing together,

Palm to cunt, breathing in and out.


What does it mean?

I want to throw myself off this cliff of pain and love,

Pain and love that feels so warm,

And soothes me into the night.

Throw myself hard into opening over and over and over,

I am opening into a stag, my heart in my mouth,

Galloping across the grasses,

This windy landscape with violet clouds,

This wild countryside that I left some time ago,

I am coming home.


About Avery Cassell

Avery Cassell is a genderqueer San Francisco writer, poet, cartoonist, and artist who grew up in Iran. They live with their Maine Coon cat, Lulu, and bake yeasted waffles every Sunday morning. Behrouz Gets Lucky is their first novel. You can find their erotic short stories sprinkled in various anthologies, including Best Lesbian Erotica 2015 and Sex Still Spoken Here. Avery is currently working on a book of more of Behrouz and Lucky's shenanigans, a memoir, and an illustrated early reader children's book about a eight year old transgender boy and his family.
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2 Responses to Coming Home

  1. ulla says:

    very very very powerful writing, as always.


  2. ulla says:

    btw thanks … v much. it’s up and i’ve linked you.


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