On a Personal Note: Mortality


For some reason I’m abashed to admit to this, but I had a massive heart attack in the beginning of October, 2019. The Reader’s Digest version is this….it turned out that Kaiser had misdiagnosed my first heart attack in October of 2018 as stress. I had the second heart attack the morning of Wednesday, October 2, 2019, but thought it was stress (see Kaiser.) I’d turned 65 in October, so Medicare had kicked in the day before I had the heart attack. Anthem Advantage had assigned me to a bougie clinic, which refused to give me an appointment unless I paid them a $200 membership fee. I finally bullied my way into a doctor’s office on Friday morning, she hooked me up to an EKG, took one look at the results, threw me into an Uber, which drove me to an ER in the Tenderloin. From here on out, things moved quickly. It turned out that I had a STEMI and a widow maker heart attack. I was shuttled to another hospital and had two stents inserted. I was sent home the next day with a pocketful of scary medicine. I’m alright now, although it was scary as fuck.  I had to stop taking testosterone, but I’m fine with that decision. I also discovered that statins make my blood sugar go up into diabetic ranges, increases the neuropathy in my feet and hands, and gives me skin infections, so I threw them away. My heart’s ejection fraction is 33, and normal is 55-60. In other words, I’m puny. According to my annoyingly abrupt cardiologist with no social skills, I’m “high functioning”, yet I’ll never get better. I feel disconnected from my body, but am sure that will change.

In the meantime…Stoic Press, books, and changes. Signed copies of the Butch Lesbians of the 20s, 30s, and 40s Coloring Book, the Butch Lesbians of the 50s, 60s, and 70s Coloring Book, Resistance, and The Solstice Gift are available in my Etsy store, and I have a holiday special right now; buy the Butch Lesbians of the 20s, 30s, and 40s Coloring Book and the Butch Lesbians of the 50s, 60s, and 70s Coloring Book as a set for only $22! Copies of Butch Lesbians of the 50s, 60s, and 70s Coloring Book are limited.

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Stoic Press: A New Press and a New Release!

My partner and I have just started a publishing house called Stoic Press (!!!), and our first book will be released this month. was released today!

The Solstice Gift: Behrouz and Lucky on the Longest Night is a novella; an erotic romp though Northampton, Massachusetts, featuring six threesomes, many meals, lots of butch-on-butch shenanigans, and a veritable army of dashing queers. Looking for a nifty stocking stuffer? Order signed copies of The Solstice Gift: Behrouz and Lucky on the Longest Night for your lucky pals.

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All the News That’s Fit to Print….


Resistance: The LGBT Fight Against Fascism did not win the Lammy this year. The LGBTQ Nonfiction winner was Looking for Lorraine: The Radiant and Radical Life of Lorraine Hansberry by Imani Perry. Beef up your reading list and get inspired with this years Lammy winners and runner-ups!

I’m still working on editing Doily is my Safeword, informally referred to as Clean Doily and Dirty Doily. The thing is, things got complicated; Doily is my Safeword takes place between November 2015 and August 2016. It was one hell of a time period — everyone was dying and we thought it couldn’t get any worse, but we were naive and innocent because Trump was elected in November 2016. Now, the world feels like it’s imploding, and it’s all I can do to curl up on the sofa with my cat, a hot entree from Trader Joe’s if I’m feeling energetic, and Rachel Maddow. Well, not Rachel Herself, but the tiny version of her that lives inside of my phone. Anyway, I’m editing Clean Doily with The Mueller Report by my side, and everything has a certain pall. I swear, I’ll finish both books soon!

I am also working on a new smutty short story called “The Solstice Gift” about what happens when older folks say, “You don’t need to get me anything; I have everything I need.” when asked what they’d like as a holiday gift. Ha! We can all use a little something. Costarring Behrouz and Lucky, Paradise Pond at Smith College, way too much plaid flannel, pies and kombucha, librarians with cute butts and mad cataloging skills, and scads of hot butches.

I reopened my Etsy shop, Whippersnapped! In a frenzy of frustration and fury at the current (ahem) political situation, I’ve been customizing bandanas…accoutrements for resistance as it were. Are you bent, an invert, a friend of Dorothy, butch AF, a fence-sitter, femme AF, fey AF, a witch, LGBTQ RSVP, or fabulous as fuck? A vegan, a peacenik, a librarian, or a mother and an activist? Some combination of it all? If you don’t see a design that appeals to your hot little head, then I buy the custom bandana and let me know what you’d like!

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Resistance is a Lambda Literary Award Finalist!

LGBT Resistance cover cropped lammy v4.8I just got word yesterday that Resistance: The LGBT Fight Against Fascism in WWII  (Stacked Deck Press) is a Lambda Literary Award finalist! I’m totally stunned and humbly honored.

Resistance would never have happened without the copy editing, support, and book design chops of Diane Kanzler, a fabulous crew of LGBTQ+ artists, Laura Antoniou’s impassioned foreword, and my publisher, Tara’s belief in our vision. I have a hell of a lot more to say, but will reserve that for when I can collect myself…we may be in for a long wait! Please check out the other Lambda Literary Award finalists, and add to your 2019 reading list!



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‘Clean Doily’ and ‘Dirty Doily’


I’m in the process of dividing Doily Is My Safeword into two books; a book of fiction and a book of smut, which I’m jokingly calling ‘Clean Doily’ and ‘Dirty Doily’.  At some point I realized that the intersection of folks who like to read queer BDSM smut and folks who like to read queer fiction was small, so making it into two books seemed like a great way to make Behrouz and Lucky’s story more accessible to more people. I wrote Doily Is My Safeword the year of the election when so many beloved entertainers were dying, yet we were totally naive about the horror of the future, actually finishing it November of 2016.  I’m startled by my foresight.

Oh no, not at all! My worries are more nefarious. Well, maybe not nefarious, but more extensive at least. I worry about Theo with her Marfan Syndrome. What if her heart tanks in some unlikely place and she can’t get to the hospital in time? And what if that fiend, Trump wins the election? What about that? Will I ever get the chance to return to Tehran? Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful we got to spend a month here; it’s been a dream come true. It’s just that everything feels unsteady. San Francisco is tilting into a modern Gold Rush spurred on by technology. My dad used to take me to a local fossil pit to hunt for artifacts when I was a little girl in Virginia, and I remember my boots getting stuck in the mud, pulling them up with difficulty, the mud making a suctioning squishy noise. I’d panic, convinced that I was going to be sucked into the pit and stripped of my flesh until I was nothing but a pile of white bones. That’s what the world feels like right now.” – Behrouz talking to Lucky in the first page of the book.

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