I’m in the process of dividing Doily Is My Safeword into two books; a book of fiction and a book of smut, which I’m jokingly calling ‘Clean Doily’ and ‘Dirty Doily’. At some point I realized that the intersection of folks who like to read queer BDSM smut and folks who like to read queer fiction was small, so making it into two books seemed like a great way to make Behrouz and Lucky’s story more accessible to more people. I wrote Doily Is My Safeword the year of the election when so many beloved entertainers were dying, yet we were totally naive about the horror of the future, actually finishing it November of 2016. I’m startled by my foresight.
“Oh no, not at all! My worries are more nefarious. Well, maybe not nefarious, but more extensive at least. I worry about Theo with her Marfan Syndrome. What if her heart tanks in some unlikely place and she can’t get to the hospital in time? And what if that fiend, Trump wins the election? What about that? Will I ever get the chance to return to Tehran? Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful we got to spend a month here; it’s been a dream come true. It’s just that everything feels unsteady. San Francisco is tilting into a modern Gold Rush spurred on by technology. My dad used to take me to a local fossil pit to hunt for artifacts when I was a little girl in Virginia, and I remember my boots getting stuck in the mud, pulling them up with difficulty, the mud making a suctioning squishy noise. I’d panic, convinced that I was going to be sucked into the pit and stripped of my flesh until I was nothing but a pile of white bones. That’s what the world feels like right now.” – Behrouz talking to Lucky in the first page of the book.
It’s raining this morning,
Flannel sheets remind me of being 13 and in love,
Although at 13, I was not in love,
And had never slept between flannel sheets.
How can something this morning remind me of a nonexistent memory?
I remember you and I at 13,
Girlish, but not girlish,
Sleepovers and kisses,
My mother making us buckwheat pancakes on Sunday morning,
The snow piling up in the alley behind my house,
White iridescent flakes falling under the yellow streetlight,
“Baby Love” playing on my transistor radio,
As our legs tangled together under the wool blanket,
Your hands smoothing my skin,
We were so soft and young.
This never happened,
We lived in different countries,
You’re 10 years younger,
You hate Motown.
And this morning, it’s raining,
You’re 3,000 miles away,
I’m drinking tea,
Willing this memory of you,
I’m creative, but often feel like a dilettante. I can paint, write fiction, poetry, and nonfiction, draw comics, and sew…but so fucking what! Am I actually fabulous at any of these skills, or is making art just a sweet self-indulgence? I want my readers and viewers to be touched by my art, but have no clue which I’m stronger at creating. This is a conundrum. Piss. Feedback, cake, and comments are welcome.
Here’s my list of possible new projects. Most of these have been started. Or I could just sew endless shirts and be the well-dressed desperate dilettante.
Paintings (I haven’t painted in 8 years).
Edit Doily is my Safeword as either one book or two.
Smut short stories.
Butch fashion and manners book.
Bird and Otter children’s book
The Underwear Thief children’s book
The talented firebrand and author Laura Antoniou wrote the passionately fiery foreword to our new release, Resistance: The LGBT Fight Against Fascism in WWII… and here she is reading it. Laura says, “This is no children’s book – it’s a rather sober collection of exhaustively researched biographies of people whose lives didn’t all end in seeing victory for their causes and fellows. Ideal for showing how the struggle against oppression wrapped in populist rhetoric shouted by tyrants isn’t just contemporary.”
Resistance: The LGBT Fight Against Fascism in WWII is an amazing fully illustrated historical biography with drawings by an international bevy of queer artists. Read more of Laura Antoniou‘s work including the erotic fiction, The Marketplace series and the mystery The Killer Wore Leather, and become Laura’s patron on Patreon for additional sneak peeks into her work and her process…not to mention loads of yummy recipes!